Almost a year.....

Well, I suppose I could wait another couple of weeks to make this entry.... Nah, Im normally a rather impatient girl. It started out as a rather ho hum uneventful year but the last 6 months just kind of turned my world upside down.

It all started in April when my father had some sort of episode that landed him in the hospital. He was admitted with atrial fibrillation and a urinary tract infection. Well, and then, one of the meds they gave him threw him into a psychosis and there was a period of about 48 hours I didn't know what the hell was going to happen, if he was going to live or die or what. But eventually he came out of it and was released at the end of the week. Then onto the rehabilitation center. This was due to the fact my father really hasn't been active since my mother passed 4.5 years ago (he is 80 years old) So a week in a hospital bed really leaves you kind of wobbly. He was at this place about 6 weeks. And during this time everyone is telling me he cant live alone anymore. So I had to suck it up and move in with him. Let me tell you, this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life (and it still is) I have no one here for help. No family, no siblings. Im doing this all on my own and every day is a guessing game as far as what do I do financially and getting things prepared for the future and then just the day to day stuff like keeping up the household and cooking and taking care of the dog....

Last week I was on vacation. but by no means was it a vacation. I was supposed to go to California to meet some friends but because I had no one to look in on my father for 5 days I didn't go. There will come a time I am going to snap and I feel as if that time will be somewhere in the near future. Im in the process of applying for medicaid so that I can have him go to an adult day care like 3-4 times a week and get him out of my hair on my day off but we are in that weird bracket where we aren't well off but we aren't quite poor enough to qualify. So we'll see how it goes. And of course Florida is the WORST state as far as benefits go. They are minimal compared to what you would get most anywhere else.

It's quite depressing, it really is.....